Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Don't steal my fun!!

Sometimes, at work, people call me and in the middle of the conversation they say out loud what I'm thinking in my head.

This is very disconcerting... I'm left wondering, "Jesus, did I just say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?" (Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas - Hunter S. Thompson, R.I.P.)

Anyway, besides freaking me out, this annoys me in two other ways which I will now list for your reading-derived pleasure:

1) Don't steal my fun! It's my job to make fun of you! If you do it for me, then how am I supposed to entertain myself whilst you ramble on about the crap you broke when you were trying to create and excel table and how you need this fixed right away because your report is due in five minutes and you just started it this morning and you're afraid you'll get fired (as you probably deserve)? Huh? How am I supposed to entertain myself!?

2) It's really hard not to laugh out loud when someone actually says the funny shit I'm thinking. Especially when it's the person I'm thinking it about. Consider - I'm talking to some old, stupid person about something they'll probably never understand, and I'm having to speak really slowly and put things in terms that would insult a dimwitted orangatang. Then suddenly, while my brain is in the midst of trying to strangle itself with my spinal cord, it's rudely interrupted by something like "I'm such an idiot when it comes to computers..." What am I supposed to do with that!? I can't laugh, this has already been established. Even if the person speaking proffers this bit of self-description as a joke, it's very accurateness will ensure that I laugh so long and hard (should I allow myself to start), that I'll no longer be able to speak, much less help solve their problem. So I can't start laughing. And I certainly can't agree, "Yep, you're a real dumb ass..." That kind of thing could get me fired really quick. I sure as hell can't disagree. Besides the Aggie Code of Honor preventing me from lying, it violates everything that I know to be true. I can't proclaim to all that will listen "Computers are controlled substances like drugs, and dangerous like guns - people should have to obtain a license to use and own them!" and then go about placating some moron that already knows how dumb they are!

So please, please don't steal my fun!

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Student "Workers"

I hold myself and the other students that work in the HDC in a fairly high regard when it comes to job effectiveness. So it pains me greatly whenever, rarely, one of us messes something up.

However, there is no level of incompetence that can compare to the "job effectiveness" on display from the student "workers" in the computing labs. I am firmly convinced that these students are striving to be as idiotic and useless as possible. I used to believe that this was some sort of sick system designed to punish students who may make the mistake of asking for help in one of the labs - but now I believe that this "quest for outstanding acheivement," so to speak, has it's aim squarely focused on causing immediate and debilitating insanity in my person. There can be no other answer - it's obvious that Commie spies are at work. They've failed in their previous quest to bring about the destruction of the United States, and now they have to settle for spoiling one of it's great natural resources ;)

I've learned to look at the CallerID portion of the phone as it rings, and it usually has time to display the number of who is calling right as I answer. If I see "SCC," "WERC," "BLOC," or "WCL" I know to brace myself for possible aneurysm-causing stupidity. If you've seen/heard Lewis Black's comedy album, you'll know what I mean when I say that most of the time, the things I hear coming from the phone rival "If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college..." - if you have no idea what I'm talking about... you should go see/rent/buy Lewis Black's comedy album. It's hilarious. You'll love it. You can thank me later.

As a side note, Spanish is really starting to fuck with me. I just caught myself typing "Tu" when I meant to type "You" - holy crap basket.