Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Don't steal my fun!!

Sometimes, at work, people call me and in the middle of the conversation they say out loud what I'm thinking in my head.

This is very disconcerting... I'm left wondering, "Jesus, did I just say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?" (Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas - Hunter S. Thompson, R.I.P.)

Anyway, besides freaking me out, this annoys me in two other ways which I will now list for your reading-derived pleasure:

1) Don't steal my fun! It's my job to make fun of you! If you do it for me, then how am I supposed to entertain myself whilst you ramble on about the crap you broke when you were trying to create and excel table and how you need this fixed right away because your report is due in five minutes and you just started it this morning and you're afraid you'll get fired (as you probably deserve)? Huh? How am I supposed to entertain myself!?

2) It's really hard not to laugh out loud when someone actually says the funny shit I'm thinking. Especially when it's the person I'm thinking it about. Consider - I'm talking to some old, stupid person about something they'll probably never understand, and I'm having to speak really slowly and put things in terms that would insult a dimwitted orangatang. Then suddenly, while my brain is in the midst of trying to strangle itself with my spinal cord, it's rudely interrupted by something like "I'm such an idiot when it comes to computers..." What am I supposed to do with that!? I can't laugh, this has already been established. Even if the person speaking proffers this bit of self-description as a joke, it's very accurateness will ensure that I laugh so long and hard (should I allow myself to start), that I'll no longer be able to speak, much less help solve their problem. So I can't start laughing. And I certainly can't agree, "Yep, you're a real dumb ass..." That kind of thing could get me fired really quick. I sure as hell can't disagree. Besides the Aggie Code of Honor preventing me from lying, it violates everything that I know to be true. I can't proclaim to all that will listen "Computers are controlled substances like drugs, and dangerous like guns - people should have to obtain a license to use and own them!" and then go about placating some moron that already knows how dumb they are!

So please, please don't steal my fun!


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